I hate failure (who doesn’t?). I fear failure.
Yet, I have failed.
You’ve not heard from me because I had nothing to tell. I had plenty to admit, though.
I am an addict. I am addicted to media. I know full well how awful it is to stare at my phone instead of interacting. I know that there is research out there to suggest that the electromagnetic fields around such devices and wifi etc. could be detrimental…especially to the kids, but I cannot stop its use.
Fundamentally, this challenge to lessen my usage significantly was flawed: I took on this challenge at the exact time I was launching more fully into my photography business, relying on social media as my main promotional inroad.
I have not been able to figure out how to do this well. There are nights when I do not bring my phone into my room, I set my analogue clock’s alarm and read myself to sleep. More often than not, that phone sneaks in, though. I binge watch a program late into the night knowing full well the regret I will feel in the morning as I drag my sorry exhausted ass out of bed. Or I read news feed after news feed until my mood is so low I infect those around me with the dark stank of depressed thought and outlook; the opposite of my stated intent to put good vibes out into the world.
I’m not ready for this challenge, and so I need to abort it. It doesn’t mean that I am giving up, I still intend to set that dang phone down and look at my children, spend more time living and less time living through posts and likes. I just don’t think I am in a good position to be sharing any of this, right now, via blog form. We can all take some mess, but this is just too messy, too incoherent.
I’ll let you know, when inspiration strikes, when I figure out how to approach this more fully and with better intent.
Love to all.