So in light of all that seems to be going on in the world…the horrifying videos of families appealing for help inside Aleppo( it makes me want to sob and vomit at the same time from the sheer horror), the final stamp of approval on Trump as president (also a wanting to vomit but for different reasons), the attack on a Christmas market it Berlin…random f*%ng shootings, I am just not feeling it folks. I mean, I feel like what I go through on a day to day basis is just trivial.
I know. I have to keep living my life and I can’t apologize for my station in life. But…frick.
How can I reconcile all of this? I feel like we are living in hell and I keep being pulled towards fear. How can I enjoy Christmas while I sit here all safe and abundant? I mean, I feel like this is just talk. I am not flying into some war torn country to help anyone, no, I want to stay safe and keep my family safe. I haven’t even donated money in fear that it won’t be used well and that it will be for naught. But if I don’t even do that, then what chance does anyone have?
I also feel like borders are going to be closing in on us. I really think we are heading for either a huge crash or a regime that will lock us down. I even had anxiety about me, as a Canadian citizen being expelled by this country and blocked from my own husband and kids. I know…extreme. But these are extreme times. I am constantly fighting the flight urge inside me.
But where to run? I read my news feed and it is just chalk full of hate and horror. Friends are calling each other bitches over politics. Heck, if we can’t be civil in our disagreement, we are doomed. Doomed as a country to end up as war torn as the others we see in our feeds. We think we’re above all that, that it can’t happen to us, but it can, and it feels like it is.
I really just want to move to the most isolated spot and hunker down in a bunker. Without guns, mind you, because when it comes down to it, I’d rather be killed than be a killer.
Life is frickin’ challenging folks.
So where does this leave me? I guess I just keeping going on…trying not to be ignorant of what’s going on around me…trying to put action to my thoughts and money where my mouth is…also trying not to deluge myself with too much information, because that too is a trap and a huge player in my sense of despondency and depression, and yes anger.
I wish you all love and peace. I wish us all the ability to see all sides and to be able to disagree and be disagreed with without feeling threatened. We are all essentially roommates on this tiny, beautiful planet of ours. We are definitely not going to agree on many things, but we should be able to agree on freedom to live our lives the way we want without infringing on others, and taking away from others.
I don’t really know what I want to say this week other than, give love, receive love, try to live love. Forgive. Give.
Love and light.