I made it to 100 days…and then sailed right on by it without marking it.
I meant to celebrate my 100th day, but as I am a mom of two very young energetic and fully occupying kids, I just could not find the time.
It’s been an imperfect 100 days. I have definitely not managed to adhere entirely to my own rules. I feel like I have spent quite a bit of money, mostly on things I think are necessary, but sometimes that definition has been gray.
I must also confess that I really want to quit. I don’t feel like I can do this well, and it bothers me. For one, finding time to blog about my experience has proved to be rather challenging. By the end of the day, if my baby has finally given up fighting sleep, it is usually so late that my writing is incoherent; my enthusiasm for writing is…tepid at best.
The other reason I want to quit is because…I want to spend money.
I didn’t mention this earlier, because it is all quite tenuous and I am kind of waiting for everything to revert back..the other shoe to drop so to speak…but two things have happened in the last month: I unexpectedly lost a bit of weight (no idea how, but most likely as a result of stress) and my hand eczema has almost entirely healed.
Both of these things have been…wonderful but…the urge to buy a new dress…or outfit of some kind is overwhelming. It’s somehow part of my psyche that in order to celebrate something like this, this “new me”, I should spend on a new wardrobe to highlight my new physique. Not totally unreasonable I suppose, but it is exactly what I am trying to avoid.
My monkey mind has told me more than once this week that I need to quit this whole venture because I am doing a terrible job of it, no one cares, no one is reading this blog, anyone who is reading this blog is confused by it’s random posts, I don’t know how to blog, I’ve already spent money I shouldn’t have, who wants to read my on-going confessions…etc.etc.etc.
I knew this was going to be hard. Things that are worthwhile tend to be.
So, though I am so very tempted to throw in the towel and go on a mad spending spree, I am not going to.
What I will do is adjust how I blog. I must acknowledge that I am a busy mom with not much free time. Thus, I will not fruitlessly aim for a daily blog post but a weekly one, which will greatly relieve the low-level stress I feel when I realize how spectacularly I am failing at posting daily. So, starting tomorrow, I will be collecting my thoughts from Monday to Sunday and posting on Sunday about my week of “not spending on unnecessary things”. Today is day 107..that’s how many weeks…let’s call that 15 weeks and change. So, next Sunday’s post will be week 16.
Ta da! It ain’t perfect, but it’s an effort to stay in the game.
See you next Sunday.