Daddy arrived and it marked a huge improvement in all of our outlooks. Little C perked up and ate and wanted to play. I finally had someone who could comfort my infant and allow my mom and sister much needed relief from all the endless wailing. Everything started to feel less traumatic. We all caught ourselves having moments where we were not rushing to help or tag team and wondered: what am I not doing? Why do I have a moment of nothing to do?

The news is good too, this Sunday morning. The docs say that tomorrow we take out the IV and switch to oral antibiotics. This means we get to go home. Though, where “home” is will need to be determined. I would love to stay on and finish our visit here in Canada, but if a one week or even two week follow up is required, we will have to fly back to California since it will no longer be covered under “emergency” care.

We have a whopper of a bill coming our way. I’m trying not to think about it. I am so grateful for the care that C received. I do find it ironic that this blog was about cutting out needless spending and I had hoped to see a lot of savings as a result…instead, we’ve had a bout of very necessary spending that will leave us…well…I don’t really want to go into that right now.

As I type, I am trying to convince C to lie still. We’ve been working at trying to nap for over an hour. I am feeling very frustrated by trying to negotiate with her to lie still and rest. But it’s also a very good sign, because this is how all nap times go down when she’s happy and healthy. Hopefully I will be able to hold onto this and remind myself, in moments of frustration, that I would rather have these challenges a million times over, than the submissive, moaning, half conscious toddler I had only a few days ago.

My itchy eczema outbreak has also calmed, though now I am dealing with the dry, stiff skin on my hands that make it impossible to bend my fingers without pain. My whole face is also like leather and peeling. I’ll take it over the itching though. I’m afraid that I will not be able to find a resolution for this. I just long for C to be healthy and for me to be healthy.

At the same time this whole experience has reminded me how lucky we have been thus far, and how easily life can change. I am reminded to appreciate every moment, every dull, hum drum day, when nothing is happening and we are experiencing the ordinary….those are the days that are extraordinary and a gift. To have health, youth, no discomfort. I must absorb those moments, because we all age, we all will experience ill health and death.

Today marks a mass killing in Orlando Florida, the biggest one yet. Not a record to be proud of. The details are splashed across every news outlet, so I need not go into details. I am so angry, terrified and sad. Again, this is a reminder that the hum drum of life is what we want, not the horrors  of hate and violence and ignorance. I must not sink into fear. Having kids makes fear and worry that much closer to the surface. I find myself seriously considering moving back to Canada, where universal health care is the norm, where hate filled, bigoted, racist clowns like Trump aren’t currently  being considered for the biggest leadership role in the country, and gun ownership is actually controlled to the extent that mass killings are not the norm. How can I continue to live in a country that so blindly and passionately defends their right to bear arms even as these mass killings occur on a sickeningly regular basis. Obama, in his address to the Nation today almost had no words. He’s had to make this speech a ridiculous amount of times. America, the world is watching, and you are coming off as fools.

Anyway, I could go on, but I’ll stop.

Let me return to the fact that  I am grateful. Grateful that we are leaving here, and that C has her health, and that there is still hope for me to recover from eczema even if it takes some doing.

Love to all.20160612_114245.jpg


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