Today I almost felt normal. Really. Like, I forgot that I had been itching like a mad woman mere days before.

I felt so normal I started to wish for a coffee with cream.

I eyed the baked goods at the stall I’ve been avoiding at the farmer’s market these past weeks.

How quickly motivation can wane when you are not in the thick of the struggle. And I am not even 100% better, I am just that much better that I can ignore my flaking scabby hands. Only yesterday my hands were so raw and rigid I was in constant pain.

There’s a nagging fear that there is a lot more itching to come. I know that re occurrence can be a part of the cleansing process. But right now, feeling the absence of itching is wonderful, and so normal all at once.

I’ve also not made time to run since Sunday. The week sneaks by really quickly. But before I feel too guilty about breaking my commitment to get out and exercise, I do need to recognize what I do on a daily basis: If you took a snap shot of me today, on our way to the bank, you would see a mama holding her toddler’s hand while hauling what appears to be a large contraption for conveying a baby in a car…but on her arm because baby fell asleep in it…so she’s carrying at least 30 lbs on one arm.

Another snapshot a bit later, after the farmers market( through which I carried not only an enlarging bag of produce, but a 20 lb baby in a front carrier), as we are walking down the street to the library, you would see this mama with a baby in a front carrier, a backpack full of diapers and stuffed with lunch/snack fixings for picnic on-the-go, a book bag full of heavy books and a toddler yanking on her other arm.

I didn’t even break a sweat. This mama is strong. I can hold a 20lb 9 month old in one arm and a 24lb 2.5 year old in the other.

Why am I exhausted by the end of the day? You have your answer.

It’s a miracle I am even awake to write this update.


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